


A Genius and a Ghost Walk into a Bar

by Tsume_Yuki



Category: Naruto
Genre: F/M, Female Uzumaki Naruto, Gen, May eventually become Itachi/Naruto, Time Travel, When they're old and the age gap isn't so significant
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-06
Updated: 2019-05-06
Packaged: 2020-02-27 09:04:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18735913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tsume_Yuki/pseuds/Tsume_Yuki
Summary: In which Jiraiya gets genjutsu-ed, Kakashi gets pranked, and Naruto gets a second chance to iron out all the Elemental Nation's major issues. One talk-no-jutsu at a time.And Itachi? Itachi's just (begrudgingly) along for the ride.He loves it.





	A Genius and a Ghost Walk into a Bar

## •

 

Uchiha Itachi is four years old when he sees his first dead body. Perhaps the most haunting thing is that it still looks human. He has read about rigor mortis, how the body decomposes over time. He’s read about the blood patterns that can hit the ground to know if it was a cut to the throat or a cut to the torso that killed the human.

The books never spoke about how the dead body doesn’t just look human, never spoke about how the dead body looks like a person. There’s laugh lines around the eyes, deep creases above the nose that indicates the man has spent some time frowning. There’re ink stains in the corners of his nails, only on the left hand.

Uchiha Itachi is four years old when he sees his first dead body. He’s four years old when he sees his first ghost. It won’t be the sole ghost to follow him, but it will be the only one he sees.

She’s blonde, hair cut awkwardly short on one side and with the jagged edges that indicate an unwilling cut. Probably by a kunai, though he cannot rule out a shuriken. If he were to take a guess, he’d put her somewhere around late teens, based on her bone structure, height, and the stress exhibited on her face. She’s looking around the battlefield with wide eyes, surprised but not. Experienced then; as if the toned limbs and shuriken pouch hadn’t given that away.

There’s a startling resemblance to Namikaze Minato there… his mother, perhaps? That or some other female relative; the bone structure is familiar and the colouring distinctive.

“Eh? Chibi-Itachi?” Itachi blinks, still painfully aware of the dead body mere feet from him but utterly focused on the stranger that knows his name. How does she know his name? This is the first time he has seen her, but that means nothing when taking other ninja into consideration. There’s every possibility that he hasn’t spotted her before. Yet, the ‘Chibi-Itachi’ becomes non-sensical in that case.

“No, this is too early, am I even born yet? Hey, has Kura- no, wait, shit. Has the Kyūbi attacked Konoha yet?”

What. Itachi jolts to attention, palm reaching for the kunai his father had slipped him before disappearing out onto the battlefield.

Before he can demand an answer (is Konoha going to be attacked? What is the Kyūbi and why has he not heard of it?), the woman is gone.

 

 

He tries to discretely ask around, does his own research. Namikaze Minato is an orphan, both parents confirmed dead and both only children of only children.

‘ _A_ _m I even born yet?_ ’ He keeps those words close to heart, watches the Fourth Hokage like a hawk.

Just as the strange ghost predicted, the Kyūbi attacks the village. People die (the Fourth dies).

A blonde-haired baby is born.

Itachi watches on.

 

 

It’s near a decade later that she comes back. She looks exactly the same; not totally unsurprising for someone who has died.

“Shit! You grew up fast! Quick, what year is it?!”

He doesn’t speak, watches the woman with sharp eyes. He can see the tilt of Kushina’s smile in her mouth now, the sharp curve of her eyes.

Uzumaki Naruto is now a seven-year-old academy student. He’s in the same class as Sasuke. He’s male.

The woman’s eyes land on his forehead protector (still a Leaf shinobi, even if the slash designates otherwise) and those blue eyes turn sad.

“Look, I know this is gonna sound crazy and you’ve got other stuff to get done, but I really need a hand. I need you to find Jiraiya and get him to copy up this seal and activate it!” The woman unrolls a scroll, unveiling the most complex piece of Fūinjutsu Itachi has ever witnessed. Given that he has seen the barrier seals that ensure Konoha’s safety, has seen the seal that resides upon Uzumaki Naruto’s belly, it goes without saying that it is an intricacy in its own division. The woman (who has the same whisker-like markings as the Nine-Tails Jinchūriki) continues to stare imploringly into his eyes. As if that is enough to sway him from his mission (the final one he ever received as a Konoha Shinobi and the final mission he shall complete). No, he must infiltrate the Akatsuki, the organisation formed by that man, Tobi.  

“God damn it! Itachi, you gotta listen to me! Konoha’s gonna get crushed if we don’t sort this shit out now!” Tugging at his loyalties. She must have been watching him for a while then, this ghost. Who knows what this Fūinjutsu could summon? He’s far from well versed in the subject, but even Itachi is aware enough to recognise the elements required for a summoning seal.

“I have no reason to trust you,” Itachi says quietly, softly. He meets the woman’s eyes, allows his Sharingan to spin to life, bleeding into the Mangekyō. The woman flinches, but never once looks away from his eyes. Experienced with Uchiha then but determined to win his alliance. He has no more of that left to give.

“I’m trying to stop the Fourth Ninja War! The war Sasuke dies in!”

 

 

It takes five months for him to track down Jiraiya of the Sannin. The ghost of a future yet to pass follows along beside him the entire time. She doesn’t age, her appearance doesn’t change in the slightest. Always with that choppy blonde hair, that same half-applied plaster on her cheek, that same determined, desperate look in her eyes.

Itachi’s innards are flipping continuously, stewing in the acknowledgement that he is abandoning his mission, no longer an official Konoha Shinobi or not. He should be infiltrating the Akatsuki right now, watching Tobi watch him watch Tobi. Each aware of the others true alinement but unwilling to give the game away to anyone else.

Instead, he finds himself in the centre of Tea Country with Asura (a female Uzumaki Naruto from an alternate universe, no matter how hastily she’d supplied him with a fake name, he is sure of her identity now) the ghost and nothing more than the tanto at his back and a scroll full of rudimentary supplies.

In all fairness, he has been able to catch more sleep than he would have expected; the advantages of having a ghostly look-out who could wake the dead with her screeching, never mind the lightly slumbering.

“I just know Ero-Sennin is in here,” Asura mutters, ramming her head through the wall before them. Itachi does not so much as twitch at the motion; he’s already had the… mental reasoning that seeing his ghostly companion phase through solid objects is nothing like Tobi’s ability. That is a result of her circumstances; circumstances she shall soon be lifted from.

“I can smell the feminine offence that’s always following in his wake,” Asura confirms once her head has been retrieved from the wall. “Besides, I just spotted his ugly mug in there.” Jabbing her thumb towards the bar, the blonde shinobi from the future grins, scratching sheepishly at the back of her head. He wonders if Uzumaki Naruto will exhibit such startlingly Uzumaki qualities as well, or if it is simply Asura whose only paternal inheritance was her colouring.

“Remember, you have to tell him the Child of the Prophecy told him to activate the seal. That it’s for him only. Oh, and make sure you actually tell him you’re a good guy! Never did get the chance to figure out if Pervy-Sage knew the truth or not…” Asura trails off, falling swiftly into one of the black moods that oft overtakes her whenever she becomes focused upon something from her world. Itachi watches her for a moment, takes in the serious set of her features. Not just Namikaze Minato’s colouring then.

Uchiha Itachi is fourteen years old, a genius and accompanied by a ghost when he walks into a little bar out in Tea Country.

 

 

 

##  **:**

 

 

“Holy hell, it actually worked!”

With Jiraiya unconscious in the after effects of Tsukuyomi (not one of Itachi’s proudest moments) and the seal performed, he finds himself sitting across from the very solid form of Uzumaki Asura. 

“But, did ya have to mind-fuck him to get it done?” 

There are many responses to that question: Tsukuyomi is a high level genjutsu that even a master could not break out of; he’s strapped for time and intimately aware that Tobi is probably getting angsty about his whereabouts and lack of Akatsuki membership; he’s not sent a covert message to the Hokage since he agreed to aid Asura. They’re all exceptionally valid reasons. 

“Reasoning with Jiraiya that a being he cannot see or sense is trustworthy despite requesting aid through the use of an S-rank missing-nin translator would have taken too long.” It has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that an Asura with a physical form is easier to read than an Asura without one. Not that her face hadn’t been an open book before. However, any doubt she wasn’t an alternate version of Uzumaki Naruto has died a swift death; he can feel the rolling, potent force of Kyūbi chakra that is barely leashed to her form. 

The orange outfit is the final nail in the coffin.

Stretching her arms up and above her head, Asura rolls her shoulders before considering the unconscious Sannin. It won’t take long for him to wake up, won’t take long for him to give chase. That… that worries Itachi. He’s supposed to be on an undercover mission, one he can assume useless now that he has aided Asura, brought her back to the physical world… Near a decade into her past. The sheer amount of knowledge she has will be a boon to Konoha, that goes without saying. The village will be strong, the people will be safe… Sasuke won’t die. It is difficult to place his trust but… but Asura has knowledge that she would not otherwise be capable of producing. The only explanation is that she is from the future. An alternate future.

“Right, so what’s our next move, Weasel-boy?”

“… Excuse me, Asura-san?”

Squatting beside the unconscious Sage, Asura dips the man’s Fūinjutsu brush into the ink pot, smearing a thick layer of paint across the bridge of his nose. She continues by adding the three whisker-like markings that adorn her own face as well as that of Uzumaki Naruto’s. It’s followed up by with a rhombus to the centre of his forehead. Placing the brush down by the inkwell, Asura twists her head to stare at him, puzzlement clear on her features.

“Our next move, to stop Kaguya from coming back. We should probably start by taking down the Akatsuki. Zetsu’s the main issue, Tobi after him, and then there’s Nagato but he’s really a good guy who we can save; who we should save actually.”

“We, Asura-san? I have a mission that I am to complete, the last I was given by my Hokage.” The last he shall ever complete. Itachi is loyal, loyal to Konoha no matter the state of his headband. The look that Asura graces him with is not reassuring to his future plans.

“Look, Itachi. Older you told me you should have never tried going it alone because that’s where it all went wrong for you. I know after everything that’s happened it’ll be difficult to trust someone, and I know I’ve been nothing more than…. Than the…” she pauses, shuddering before continuing in a low whisper, “the ghost following you around.” Asura looks away, her lips pursed and eyebrows heavy. However, she’s quick to bounce back into her rant. “But we can do this together. I aimed for you when I was travelling back ‘cause you’re one of the smartest guys I know of, loyal to Konoha…. And you care about Sasuke as much as me.”

Slowly seating himself, Itachi considers the woman standing across from him again. There’re no clear scars on her skin, undoubtedly removed by Biju healing. The half-applied plaster has long since fallen off in her rambunctious movements, nothing but dried blood upon unblemished skin beneath. She’s earnest, that much is clear. He doesn’t need to trick her into a genjutsu to know this; perhaps he shouldn’t be placing so much trust in her. Perhaps it’s the remnants of her status as a childhood comforter, despite how illogical that thought is. Her presence had been the distraction he’d needed that decade ago, the thing that had ensured he’d come back from that battlefield only marginally traumatised, not totally so. It’s an attachment, one he could shake with time and careful consideration.

It’s one he doesn’t want to lose.

“Will you share all of your knowledge from the future? If we are to work together, our efficiency would be much improved with the two of us on the same page.”

Asura blinks, a sort of dazed, bemused grin on her face as she slots one hand into the pocket of her pants.

“Wha’do’ya wanna know?”

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

“Inu, report.”

Standing alongside Tenzō, Hatake Kakashi does not shuffle, does not flinch or wilt beneath the hard glare of the Hokage. It is difficult; the itching powder still hasn’t come off. It’s been three days now.

“Seventy-four hours ago, we intercepted missing-nin Uchiha Itachi on the board of Tea Country after a tip-off from Jiraiya.” It goes unsaid between them that Jiraiya had been attacked by the mass-murdering runaway, that he’d been forced to perform an unknown Fūinjutsu through genjutsu coercion. The after-effects are unknown, especially as the Uchiha had taken the Fūinjutsu with him, having disappeared before Jiraiya awoke. The only thing that didn’t make sense was the… graffiti that’d been left of Jiraiya’s face. Oh, the whisker-like marks could be an unspoken threat to Naruto, the diamond in the forehead a threat to Tsunade. But the thick line across his face? Not even Jiraiya had an idea what that was a hint towards.

“He appeared to be alone when we found him,” Tenzō continues for him when it becomes clear Kakashi is lost within his own mind. “There was a rudimentary camp set up, fireplace and sleeping bags, two of them. He’s gained an accomplish during his travels.” That’s the bit that worries Kakashi the most. The fact Uchiha Itachi (a kid he’d thought good, a kid he’d actually pitied at one point) has managed to acquire someone willing to work with his kin-murdering self would be an issue; the appearance of his accomplice however…

“She looks just like sensei.”

The Hokage steeples his hands, a firm frown upon his weathered face. Kakashi… well, Kakashi’s still in shock (and itchy, can’t forget itchy). The woman, late teens and with the same smirk sensei got when a jutsu came together… only, her smirk had been when they’d been caught up in her trap. When they’d gone to detain Uchiha Itachi and she’d dropped out of the trees onto them. If she wanted it, they’d all be dead. That itching powder could just as easily have been poison. They’d never have stood a chance. It’d been over in… he determinedly steps away from the word flash, forces himself to focus again on the matter at hand.

“This is… troubling,” the Hokage mutters at last, pressing his forefinger and thumb into the leather of his temples. With a deep sigh, the leader of Konohagakure rises from his chair, walking towards the window to stare out over the village that he nurtures. The village that Kakashi protects. Somewhere in that network of buildings, Uchiha Sasuke is hurting, victimised by his brother’s actions. Somewhere in the throng of people, Uzumaki Naruto is running wild, ignorant to the demon he carries.

“We will gather more information. Tail them, but do not engage. And do not allow them to notice your presence.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> (• ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°•)


End file.
